shocking news

my bike was stolen
i hate new york city
i want to be at home

Why am I alone?

why today

everything went wrong and nothing went the way it was supposed to go

FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING ASS HOLES WHO CUT MY LOCK AND TOOK IT

I hate myself
i am an idiot

it looks like i may have a stress fracture on my right foot.
FUCK my foot.
you are a fucking ho brain that deserves to be amputated.
god fucking damnit.
I hate fracture shit
especially during portfolio and final week.
I hate the world
why cant i jsut be away from this city and in seattle with my mom and sushi?

I am about to buy the FUCKING COOLEST CAMERA IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING UNIVERSe
So excites
I love nikon
I love cameras
i love photog
I love that this semester is almost over
I LOVE THAT NEXT SEMESTER I HAVE THE TIGHTEST CLASSES INT EH ENTIE WORld
oh and did I mention I am a night time shift manager?
oh yes yes yes I am a manager
awesome
Also
I was PUBLLISHED
a major 3inch by 3 inch photo in Jazz TIme, a National magazine about, nothing other than jazz. It looks good, I think
It is of Jenny, not my dad, so this is more major than anything else I have done
so cool
It is cold
I am going to bed now
got to print for 6 hours tomorrow
BYE BYE
LOVE TO LOVE

OH YEAH WHAT IS UP????

Its amazing. Things seem to be going well. I dont understand how I can deserve it.
Shit rocks
Life rocks
I am so happy and feeling so great
and i have a project that is starting.
I have faith in some of my ideas
Oh yes
I heard good music tonight and hung out with Jessie and got drunk with him
He is funny
guyora too...
It is nice to have people buy you drinks.
I am in to that.
and lisetening to good music is another plus.
I am shooting Guyora in the next couple of days, Jessie on Wednsday, tony in the next couple of weeks, and Jennifer on Sunday.
WOW
they are all saying yes
arent we all positive thinkers?
Just wanted to say what is up homies.
I am going to Seattle in December for ONE week.
party?
I am turning 20 soon....
Finallly

I am either too hot or too cold. Am I geting heat flashes and going through menopause? I hope not. i am so tired and out of it. I am so awake and alert at 3am. I havent writen in here for a while. I have barely had time to even eat lately. I keep forgeting about it. then I am tired and have a head ache and get made because of it. BUT it is just because I am not taking care of my self.
I am learning how to use lighting. It is quite a trip. I really like it. Hard. Heavy fucking equipment too. I took a bunch of photos of Jenny yesterday and it was really fun. I actually used hot lights with umbrellas and everything. I even took some photos of her father.
I have this dream of taking portraits of everyone that I find interesting. That would be a challange. I cant just do stupid models that the school brings in, they are very annoying to look at. But I may have to. I think I am going to take a studio class next semester. I need to learn that stuff. Then I can get a job as and assisstant and make some money and quit my stupif job at the cafe. I am working with an asshole. I want to get him fired, but I guess I will see if that actually works out. I really hope it does. He is a fucking PRICK. and the most sexist idiot I have ever met.

....

I am listening to Elliott Smith

....

I am visiting my grandma day after tomorrow. It is going to be weird. But I get to take her portrait. I am bringing a lot of equipment. But it iwll be fun I think. I want to make an entire outline of that hous and that area. I love that I am taking a train down. 10 hours. HOLLY SHIT.
time to study
and now it is time to go to bed.
I am going to the opening night of the circus tomorrow. I have never gone to the circus.


peace friends


Mon

I jsut discovered that I need to know a butt load of math in order to make in photography. And I thought that was something I could leave behind in Grade school. But i didnt
here it is again
YAY
haha
ok
bye
doing some technical reading
very mind boggeling
interesting thoguh
cherry-o

The sun is rising. I am fucking incapable of making up my mind. my mom is mad at me because I hate my classes. I need some chalenge And i need to know how to spell, but i dont.
Fuck
I am tired why cant my mind turn off?

you are a half-angel, you are a wonderful person
with no regrets


which half-breed are you???????
brought to you by Quizilla

i am not an angel. At this point I am an ass-hole and a stupid person who is stuck in her own mind.
And that just sucks.
Aint this a jolly entry?
I feel like a burning splif. With out the nice after effects of being high
i want a joint and a splif and cigarett.
GOD
do I want a cigarett

this week kind of sucked. I had to cancel a lot of things because I had to work. I worked about 4 ten hour shifts in a row. Then today i was supposed to get off at 3, but didnt get off until 5.30 and that was only because Idit thought I had class. She wanted me to stay until closing, but I had gotten there at 11. NO WAY AM I WORKING ANOTHER 13 hour shift when I still have to get some pens for school.
I start school tomorrow.
CRAZY.
my stomach hurts and I feel gross.
Really tired and sick.
I probably look like shit as well.
Oh well
I bought some shirts today.
it was nice
I am biking more again and that is making me happy. There was a weeks there when I didnt bike and that was not making me happy.
ok
but
bye

I played in a band today. I played a shaker and I couldnt hear myself for my life. All four guitarists, plus the slide guitarist's amps were right next to my head. I thought I was going to be deaf when I left the stage. There were about 30 of us cramed onto a small stage at this venue called the Frying Pan on Pier 63. Its this wierd place where the club is in an old tug boat. But they didnt fix the inside up at all, it is still all rusty and falling apart. They just put lazy boy chairs everywhere a few tables and a really nice bathroom. We didnt play IN the boat though. We played out side on the dock. It was an hour and half set, I thought we were playing for about 15 minutes. But its good that I was there and that I got to play shakers on a cover of my dads song. I was in a band called the HIMILAYAS.

HA!

I had work today. It was cool. Hard to get back into the swing of working. I havent taken any orders from any one for abou 4 months. But Idit, my manager, seems to understand it will take me about a week to get everything. Everyone is really nice who works there, so far at least.

I need to sleep. been up since 7, and havent stoped until now. I can feel the sleep irrupting from me. I need a pillow.

AHHHHH.....

goodnight

I know four notes on the trumpet now....
F, C, G, and E.

I dont know what comes next. BUT I taught mself some trumpet. But sarah gave me a lesson and I am going to get another one from her then Mike will be my teacher.

OH YEAH! watch out, this time next I will be the star of NYC. hahaa... NO joke.

anyways, the trumpet is fun. I like it. I am into the trumpet.

I have a trumpet, and I am trying to learn it.
I am working in the W. Village, on BLEECKER st. at a cafe that is good.
I am no longer jobless.
My schedule is going to be so busy startiing next week, I think I may just lose my mind.

THANK GOD I WILL BE BUSY

I will be working
I am taking a web design course and a photoshop course and a spanish course ontop of the photohistory, photo workshop, writing and lit, and photo symposium. Maybe there is one more but I think that is all. Oh yeah, intro to photo. I think that is right.
I have classes Mon-Thurs. Plus one workshop from 9-5 on one weekend coming up.

Oh boy sleepless nights here I come.

I am anxious.

can I be at school?

Cant i not lose my mind?

I hate WAMU

WAMU fuckign sucks

and the woman on the phone sayed that I needed to calm down and "learn how to use the internet"

EXCUSE ME????????? I just about flipped a lid and walked right over to that fucking whore of a woman and socked her in the face. BUT she was on the phone. So I hung up and started sobbing....

ah morning sobs, they are my favorite.

I shook Charlie Watts's hand about 15 minuntes ago. He was at my dads gig tonight.
HOLLY SHIT
that kind of thing does not happen every day!

I am going to Boston now. I still am jobless. But I am going to Boston to hang out with my father, sam, joey, tony, claudia and don. It should be fun. I have never been to Boston before. But I am about to go.

....

yay?

school in 2 weeks.

good

Met with Ralph Gibson again, he liked my new work and gave me the leica for another two weeks. Awesome. That means that I am going to take a roll each day with the best camera in the world.
Oh lord

I love this leica.

I need to get money so that I can get some chemicals for my dark room, as of right now I am broke and have none. DAMN IT!

photo shit is WAY to expensive.

fuck

g-day to you all
I am going to clean Elliots litter now
aint it sweet?

I saw this original print today at the Magnum photo offices on W 25th ST. It was really incredible to see the original on the wall. I think it was the original, well one of them anyways. Crazy.

sketches of spain is probably the best album around in the entire world. I love this album....
just thought I would share this
my new hero: